wow, its really been a long time since i've last updated =/ too busy with work now that i've graduated from school. DAMN! anyway, here's... chapter 12? i think... alright, continued from the last chapter....
Ever since she bumped into her ex-boyfriend, i've never gave her a call. Even if she calls, i don't answer it, because i'll just mumble something and our conversation wouldn't really last. If she wants me to meet her, i'll just tell her i have something on.
even if she says: "WANNA DIE? Are you going to come out?!" I'M NOT GOING!
I'M SO NOBLE!!
Wooo.... The reason i'm avoiding her is because i'm afraid i would affect her choice. Because if they would to start anew, then i would be a burden to her. Then one day, she called......
"How have you been?"
"What's the matter?"
"Don't you think you're behaving strangely these few days? You turned down all my requests for a meet-up!"
"Didn't i told you i was busy?"
"Are you really that busy? Wow finally. You're doing something useful. Are you free today?"
"Yeah, sorry. I have a lot of things to do. I have something on later, and then-"
"NO more and-thens!! Today i have something important to tell you, you must come!"
There's something strange about her tone she is using today... how do i put it? Something strange... she's not being herself when she's talking to me. She sounds calm; if it was in the past she'll have me out of the house at
I sensed something from her voice...
She seemed to have made a decision.
Well, she did say in the past, that her decision was not of one between her ex-boyfriend and I, but rather deciding between starting anew with her ex-boyfriend and staying sisngle.
Nevertheless, my existence here is only to help her reduce her pain. My existence has nothing to do with her making a decision. That's because whatever outcome, whatever her decision is, i won't feel sad.
For the sake of meeting her, no, to celebrate her being free from all the pain, i cancelled my plans for the day and went to meet her.
I was right. I had predicted that there would be another person there.
Another person... her ex-boyfriend.. the guy she used to be in love with....
This was the first time i met him.
No doubt, he was very handsome, charming and dressed smartly. And he looks rich too. The type of guy girls would
go ga-ga over.
Compared to the penniless, ugly, normal typical guy like me. Whose clothes were just taken out from the washing machine, not even ironed, and running around in them. compare the 2 of us, and you can see a vast difference.
although its a secret, well.... i only change my briefs once every 3 days... only SOMETIMES...
she introduced me to him, and him to me.
"Alright, let me introduce, this is my friend Gyun-woo."
Friend? That's right, a friend. For some reason, my ears suddenly went deaf, and blocked out the sound of the world around me.
Friend.... The word resounded in my ears. We, we are just friends.
"This is, erm, XXX."
I can tell, she couldn't think of anything else to introduce him as. She just said his name. Looks like, to her, he isn't just a friend......
After the introdcution, she browse through the menu to order food. I had coffee, he had coffee too, and she had coke.
She actually ordered coke......
Why, you asked?
When she orders coke at the cafe, it means that she's feeling down. Although she never mentions, but i found out about it long ago.
I have excellent observation skills, eh? ^^ hahahahaha!!
EXCELLENT OBSERVATION SKILLS MY ASS!! I've long prepared myself to dodge her punches! If she's feeling down, and punches me.........
Even if she didn't tell me the little actions she does when she's feeling sad or down, my cells have already known.
Especially my eyes.
Her punches are sure to come straight for my eyes, thats why my eyes have pretty fast reflexes.
But for some reason, although he had been with her for sometime, he doesn't seem to realise that. I sneaked a little smile.
I took a closer look at her now. Well, she is smiling, but then. Her smile... isn't quite what it was like before. I can feel that behind that smile, she is hiding something from me.. something that is bothering her a lot. I begin to feel uneasy.
However, its understandable. Right before her now, is her ex-boyfriend. And next to her, is a guy who is, well, not really related to her in anyway. So even if its another girl in her shoes now, she must have feel very uneasy.
But, she created this mess, and i have no idea why she started it in the first place. No, i guess this should be it:
"She is now back to his side, thats why she is taking this chance to thank me."
This is the result of me, not trying to fall for her. Just that rational took over me, and won over my emotions.
I didn't say anything. In this situation, plus a guy whom i have never met before, i have pretty much nothing to say. Needless to say, i didn't have any good impression of him, since he made me see her in a state of depress, and made me bruised and battered all over.
When she talks to me, he drinks his coffee.
When she talks to him, i drank mine, not saying a word.
When nobody talks, she sips her coke.
When everyone finished their drinks, she stood up.
"Let's head to a bar for drinks."
"WHAT?!! DRINKS?!! NOOO!!!" i almost blurted out. if it was any other day.........
but now even she is wasted, lying on the floor.....
even if other people were laughing at her.......
looks like it has nothing to do with me.
Because he is beside her.
He took out his wallet, and paid the bill. Then we left the cafe.
Once on the streets, things get more awkward. She, in the middle. Two of us, each at her side. For some reason, this really makes me feel inferior.
Of course, other people won't find it strange. But for the three of us... we all felt somehow awkward.
We anxiously tried to find a bar. This sign, pointing upstairs to the 2nd level, caught our eye. The sign has some french words on it, so i couldn't really understand.
We pondered for awhile. I took a long hard look at the sign, and then she said "Well let's head for that one then."
We went in the pub, the 3 of us, silently. From the looks of it, it doesn't seem like a pub. Looks more like a cocktail bar. Contemporary music filled the air.
The bar has 2 types of tables. One, a circular shaped. The other, a rectangular one.
The guy walked forward, towards the rectangular one. Although i was behind him, but my whole head was thinking about stuffs, so i didn't catch him sitting there.
It was the same just now, to avoid making me or him look awkward, she will talk to me for sometime, then to him for a period. If we were to sit at the rectangular table, she'll have to choose who to sit with."
"I think its better for us to sit at the round table..."
As i was thinking, i walked towards the round table. But he was already sitting over at the other table. Walking behind me, she said to him: "Come over this side."
"Why? Come over here."
They signalled for each other to come over. Could be, she was thinking the same thing as me, that sitting together at a rectangular table is pretty awkward.
In the end, they came over to sit at the round table. He mumbled, "How weird to sit around the round table..."
i was thinking, "Wow..... aren't you afraid of her punching you?...." - -; after being with her for such a long time, don't you understand?
Looks like he had never thought of that, maybe he thought that she would naturally follow him to sit at the other side.
Actually, i don't mind sitting anywhere. As long as she doesn't feel awkward. Perhaps, i still wish that she had sat beside him, and tell me that her pain and sufferings are healed.
Because my very existence is to heal her pain.
Although the seats were very comfortable, but i didn't had a nice time drinking. I feel very, confused. She didn't had a single drop of alcohol.
Suddenly my thoughts ran wild.
"When he's around, she doesn't drink?"
"No.... she can't be so quiet?!"
Could be, she is thinking of who to talk to. She won't suggest to drop by a bar, and not drinking at all.
Soon the both of us, the 2 guys, were pretty tipsy.
Under normal circumstances, even if 2 strangers were to drink together it would pull them closer. But me and him...... we have nothing much to talk about.
I thought, "Okay, if she could be so normal when he's around. Looks like she's ready to love another again. Even if it's not him."
I stood up.
"Gyun-woo, where're you going?"
"Huh?? Oh.... erm.. toilet."
I wanted to go home. No, i wanted to get myself out of this mess. Could do with a phone call with her on the way home.
As i thought about it, i hurriedly walked out of the bar.
"Woo.... i guess this is it. This has to end now. Not a bad ending, well... its-"
I was walking down the stairs when i heard someone calling me. It was her.
"Hey!! You! Where are you going!"
"Why are you follwing me?"
"I asked you, where are you going?!"
"Okay, okay. Go back in!"
"What is wrong with you!!"
"I'm tired. I'm going home; have a fun time."
"You want to go home?! If you don't come back you're DEAD!"
"........." she walked down a couple of flight of stairs and walked towards me.
i said to her, "Couldn't you just call me? and get over with it...."
"What? What are you talking about?"
I wanted to tell her, he'll take good care of you, and it wasn't hard. calling her, and giving my blessings to her
wasn't hard either.
but when i see them together, trying to get those words out of my mouth is like.... i just panicked.
and because i just drank, i felt hot-blooded and felt like blurting out loud... but i just couldn't bring myself to say it. and this is the first time i yelled at her....
"Can't you just shut up?! What do you want to tell me now?!"
"Speak! What do you want to tell me..!!!"
"Can't you just give me a call? i'm very tired. and i have plans. What is it that you want me to come over?!"
i just yelled at her.
well... i didn't actually want to say all these...
i just wanted to congratulate her.... and give her my blessings.
whatever happened to me?!
she listened to me silently. and her expression...... this is the first time i ever saw such a look on her face. surprised, shock, sorrow, regret, grace, relief....
she's trying to say something...
i realised the human face can portray many expressions at once.
"You.... leave if you want to! But... but..."
She said with many, many emotions. Even so, i turned around and left her standing there. Out of the bar, i dragged myself to the station.
She doesn't seem to follow me anymore. i don't know, but my feet felt very heavy. just like the way she talked, her facial expressions, i feel all sorts of different feelings. while congratulating her i felt somehow a tinge of regret. and while feeling happy for her, i felt a little sad.
i felt as if my heart was pierced by an arrow. the pain came at me again and again.
and as i continued to walk, i felt someone grab me from behind, and turned me around quickly.
Suddenly i saw something come up fast towards my eye.
The "dong-dong" sound resounded loudly in my brain for a good 5 seconds.
Though i tried to comprehend what just happened, but everything seems a blur to me.
"WHAT THE HELL?! couldn't be some mugger on the streets.... do i look like a rich guy to you?!"
i lifted my head up, and saw her.
so, she chased me, grabbed me, turned me around, and punched me with her right hand..............
my eye became like this.
what? what "like this"?!
o.O <--- LIKE THIS!!!! OH, THE PAIN....!!!
So, the thing called the eye, after suffering an attack, would be named... ahh let's use a more scientific term for it...
A BLACK EYE! (in chinese terms, we call them Panda eyes, because panda have black spots and patches around one of their eyes)
-_-; i used one hand to nurse my eye, no, my BLACK eye, and the other eye, i stared at her.
"Come with me!" she said.
"Where...?!" even though i wanted to sneak away, i was afraid my other eye would end up another black eye.......... or this black eye might even go blind. so i quickly followed her.
might be i had a little too much to drink. i had looked forward to her recovering from the pain, but now, in a flash, i was supposed to stone there, yet i got up and leave.....
i followed her back to the bar. i came out, rather normal, and all. but going back in i had one eye bruised. her ex-boyfriend, stunted at her sudden disappearance, asked her,
"so where did you go?"
she didn't answered, so he didn't continue asking.
"if he pressed on, he might end up having a black eye like me.... go on, ask more!!!!"
its already embarrassing enough to have a guy with one bruised eye!! o.O; looking at the alcohol on the table, i realised she haven't had even a drop of it. and mine's about to finish. i called for the waiter.
"I'll have a 500cc beer. Do you have eggs here?!" -.o;;
the waiter looked at my eye, left and came back with a bottle of beer and an egg.
The guy said he drove here, so he didn't drink too much. So, i drank the beer myself.
Clutching the beer bottle with my left hand, and rubbing the egg on my eye with my right hand.....!!! -_-; soon, the beer was finished, as well as the snacks. the guy was resting from drinking, and she. not drinking at all.
"let's all go sing karaoke!"
I really don't understand her. what is all this about?? this situation now is so awkward.... why is she doing this?!
the ex-boyfriend said he still had to drive, so to sober up, singing karoke couldn't have come at a better time. of course i agreed, to protect my other good eye... -.O we went up to the singing room upstairs.
Although there were only the 3 of us, we opted for the big room.
Why aren't there people who can really sing well? It'll liven up the atmosphere with these people around. but sometimes it might be unbearble for some people, and they have the urge to go to the toilet.
i'm one that makes this situation happen. when its my turn to sing, everyone rushes to the toilet. hand in hand, they marched to the toilet.
and when i finished singing all of them comes back...........!!
so i dont't really like karaoke. not only because i can't sing well, even the air stinks!
once inside, she handed the microphone to me. i immediately passed it to the ex-boyfriend. he sat down and flipped
through the catalogue, looking for songs.
"I...... love you............. so much........! i live my life.......... for you...........!"
"I.................. miss you!!!.................I'm waiting for you......................to come back...!!
he sings really good. he rested his eyes on her. listening to him singing, my heart starts to sink and a sudden wave of sorrow swept across me. i fought hard to keep my tears back.
anyone can tell that he's using the song to express his emotions. after singing, he passed the mic to her.
"love... to him is only a feeling...."
"his icy.... teardrops.. now i understand..."
"if everything..... can't go back to the start..... please forgive me..."
"before this... i didn't understand his heart..!"
she was just staring into the space as she sang, not looking at me nor him nor the screen.
somehow, i felt that the song was meant for me....
i heard his applause. now, its time for me to sing.
because my singing is horrible, i hardly listen to songs, not to mention sing. but still, i picked one.
"i will.... always love you...! even though....... i gave you my all...."
"living without you.......... will be a torture...."
"i would... give all... my life to you...."
why did i choose this song? i just randomly picked one.. sounds nice. but....
time files. soon, time's up, and i began to pack up. the guy held her bag for her; she said nothing.
he walked to the station too, and like her, they lived in the same area. plus, he has a car, and can send her home in comfort. though we used to take the subway together, and squeezed in with the crowd.... i felt that its better for her to go home with him.
she said she needs to use the washroom, so we went outside to wait.
now its time to part. i bid goodbye to him.
"had a fun time today, hopefully we will meet up again sometime."
"alright, see you next time."
i dare say, he would never ever want to see me again. she hasn't came out of the toilet. he still has her bag with him. i wanted to say goodbye to her too, but afraid that if i see her again, i would feel upset all over again.
so i left before she came out.
i walked towards the subway station.
i really felt like turning my head back to see if she caught up with me.
i don't understand, why is my heart feeling this way. all i ever hoped for, what i really want deep in my heart, even i myself don't even know. i hoped that someone would run after me, and even though i'm tempted to turn around to look, something tells me.
i walked to the entrance of the station, before the glass doors. proceeded towards the escalator. and down there, is the subway station platform.
i lit up a cigarette before entering. had a smoke. and then a second one.
although today wasn't any occasion, but it seems that there's an extraordinary number of couples around here....
oh well. after smoking for 10mins. watching people rushing by.
i saw her running towards me.
i almost had a heart attack.
My mind started to settle down abit now...
I stopped and stare harder at her...
No, not her.
what is happening to me? what was i thinking?!
I push the glass doors apart, and walked towards the escalator.
Standing atop of the escalator, i stare blankly down. i somehow feel hesitant to go.
"Once you board the escalator Gyun-woo, you might never see her again." i thought to myself.
Although the escalator was meant to be a tool for people to ascend and descend conveniently, to me it only represent "goodbye", "farewell" and "the end".
i let out a long deep sigh, and stepped onto the escalator. Now, i can't seem to focus on other things anymore,
and the escalator moved slowly down.
I knew this would happen someday.... even though it might be some external factors that landed me in this state... but still all this would be over... very soon... and i will be able to smile again. i reminded myself. it would all soon be over.
I'm already halfway down on the escalator. i've pretty cleared up half of the mixed feelings inside my brain too.
BUT! At this moment..........
Someone is calling for me from atop of the escalator.
She's actually calling for me!
But the distance between us gets longer and longer, as the escalator continues to move down. If this continues, i might never see her ever again.
Now, its up to me, no, she gave me the strength to pick myself up and clear my mind. I fought my way up against other commuters (sorry to all the people i bumped into ^^) and ran towards her.
And held her tightly in my arms.
Everyone turned to look at us. People on the other side of the escalator... People who were walking along the station.... all looked at us.
In front of everyone's eyes, she swung her bag and went for my head.
If the leading actor and actress did this in the movie, they'll always hold each other tightly followed by a long kiss. And everyone around them would clap happily for them.
But in reality.... ABSOLUTELY NO WAY..! NEVER!! NEVER!!!!
Everyone were like..........
"Oh God, what are these 2 idiots doing?"
like her, many people were taking the train back to her place. Before boarding the train, neither of us spoke. Me, i was thinking back of our past... the funny nitty gritty thing we did. She, she was thinking of something, and giggling.
Thinking back on all the things we've done together, and the times we have spent, somehow i feel they are so meaningful.
Although none of us spoke, we did not feel awkward.
We reached our stop. From the station, we have to take a short ride to get to her house. But we could walk too, if we wanna save on the bus/taxi ride. I reached out my hand to flag for a cab.
"Don't bother getting a cab.. let's walk!"
"hehehe....!" ^^ she's SOO cute when she does that "hehe"!! ^^
as we walked along the roadside, along the breeze, she said to me,
"I.. I mean.. erm..."
"Hmm.. what's wrong?"
"Well, although he sings better than you, i still like your singing"
"And although he has a car...."
"i still prefer taking the subway with you."
It seems like her pain has ended already. Now. Her sorrow is gone. And my existence takes a new stand.
Oh, how wonderful it'll be if time stops now! From this moment... Forever and always......
But time files. Before we know it, we reached her place.
"But, how could you hug me at the station!!"
"AH... i couldn't help it...!!"
"How could you hug me in front of everyone!!!"
She knows why i'm together with her, she knows what makes me stay together with her, no matter what.....
She's proven to me, that her pain and sorrow is gone. That's why she went with me to meet that guy.
And not coming with the guy to meet me.
But, we can't say for sure, that we're together because we love each other.